A Little Bit of Everything

My mind seems to kick into overdrive as the night goes on. I guess I'm tired of talking for the day and my mind starts racing. As soon as my head hits the pillow I can only think of how things went for the day. Well it has been almost 2 weeks since we have been back in the Burg area, with no car, nothing of my own, feets of snow, cold, and two kids that are desperate to be on schedules and back to a normal life. But what do they know of a normal life? Their whole life they have been tossed and thrown and moved around into so many different situations they don't know what a "normal" is. Nor do we as parents know what a normal is. I'm having a hard time being so put at home that its stressing me out everyday. Juan is gone for most days until the late afternoon so that leaves me home with nothing to do and kids that have nothing to do. They are getting so bored that Keenan is really trying my patience. I have never seen him so destructive or so ornery that I don't know if its an age thing or if its the move and everything with that. It's hard to figure out. I can't seem to have the patience that I once had with them. And then when you think your having a good day, throw in a seizure to make the day turn out horrible!

I hate seizures. I've said it before and I will continue to say it. Seizures never did anyone good. Poor kid had a five minute seizure and then took a while to actually come completely out of it with body shakes/shivers, to falling asleep then awaken by twitches, then more crying. He can't seem to get a handle on himself after seizures and is hard to condole. I guess I have to be thankful that these are'nt everyday occurances or multiple times a day. And I know people that have to deal with this daily. I feel bad for them. I feel bad for him and myself going through them on occasion. I often think about what if I have another child with a disability. What would I do? Why would I be chosen twice for this? Then I feel bad for Keenan. The poor kid cant always hold my hand or picked up because I have Damon or can't always do things just him and I. I want it to be someday when we can have a nurse come into our home and we go and spend a day or half a day with our other kids to be "normal" kids. Take them fishing without Damon crying because he wants to get in the water, take them swimming and go down slides with them, take them to playgrounds and actually run around with them. My whole life I thought its going to be so fun to be a mom and take them all these places, do all these things. Life has different plans for you sometimes. I'm not ashamed to have a child with special needs, but sometimes its a burden. Sometimes its not easy. Sometimes life isn't always about smell the roses, but about trials we will continue to have and its just something we overcome and become stronger for.