I think that many things happen in our lives for a reason. I have felt so humbled and so uplifted about our lives lately. I feel that we are defenitly where we are supposed to be in our lives. I feel so incredibly blessed to have what we have, the friendships that we have, and the opportunity we have living in this Portland area. Growing up, we didn't live near a temple and the closest one we had was 4 hours away in Seattle. What a different life it is to have a temple 45 minutes away. Last Friday I was able to go and serve in the Kitchen of the temple and to get to experience that was such a special thing. I feel so honored to have had that opportunity. There is no better feeling then when you serve someone, but to be able to serve in the Lords house is incredible! So much good is happening to my family that I can't help but be grateful for everything the Lord has placed in our lives.

As Juan and I have had our ups and downs, I feel a complete love for him and I think that as we grow, and fight, and makeup that it brings us closer, we realize what we have for each other, and we learn to talk and work things out, that we try harder for our relationship. As we have talked about what we can do to improve that area of his life, which affects our relationship, yesterday he said we needed to have FHE. something we don't do in this house. So I got on that, and we had a great one with the kids! I hope that we can continue doing something like this.

I am trying and trying everyday to get through to Keenan on so many topics. Everyday is a trial for us, and we have a hard time. I am trying to talk to him and work on things, and then telling him how proud of him I am that he was working on listening, and complaining, I hope that he gets it. Parenthood is hard! If I knew how hard this would be, I would have considered not having kids! But the reward is far greater and I am so grateful these are my kids! I love them to pieces but everyday I have to remind myself that! :) Im sure most parents get that!

There is no question that Damon is a huge trial in our lives. And his trial is to live in that body. I have such hard days that I question everything, I wonder why he was sent to our family, that I didn't ask for a child with special needs, and why does everything have to require so much work with him. It is just flat out hard! I tell myself that I am like every other mom and that it's not any different, but it is! I think with him being my first, I don't know any different. But I am in complete awe that Heavenly father is aware of me, aware of Damon, and aware of my family. It doesn't take long for things to work out and to slap me in the face and he lets me know that he has us taken care of. We don't get a lot of help with Damon. Yes he goes to school full day which in itself is a huge help! We get a form or Medicaid that helps with his formula and what not. But as far as help as breaks we get close to zero. For the past five or so months, instead of respite hours we were asking for money to reimburse us for diapers because his insurance did not cover them. They are about seventy dollars a month. This month, he was put back onto an insurance called Family Care. Great! no so great! having this insurance meant that he has to switch all new drs, can't go through the vendors he is already set up with for his formula and bags for his feeding pump, diapers, and equipment. I spent countless hours on the phone trying to get it all figured out. Luckily for us, as of yesterday, he was put back to where he was at Medicaid wise, Health Share Care Oregon, so he can keep all of his dr's again! yah!! So today I made phone calls to get his supplies going again, dr appts made! I also had an evaluation for him with a new plan called the K-plan. Well come to find out, starting Feb 1, he is eligible for 119 hours of respite care a MONTH during school hours, and 149 hours a MONTH during summer hours! Um for January, we currently have 4.75 hours for the month! Wow wow wow! They also cover many more things! A complete answer to our prayers! I can get help at home with him, we can go out and do things that we wouldn't other wise be able to do as a family, like day beach trips, hiking, biking, I mean this is huge for our family! I can't wait to see what our lives are going to be like having this help!

Niko and I are buddies during the day! That boy has me wrapped around his little finger its not even funny! He is an awesome kid and such a blessing to this family! Him and I spend our mornings at the gym, runnings errands, or hanging out at home together. He still isn't talking much but I can figure out about 50% of what he wants. No interest in potty training yet, but I'm ok with that! He is likely our last baby so Im sucking up all I can with him!

Gratitude journal week 2

Today I am grateful for a talent and skill I have. Cutting hair and making people feel beautiful! I am getting better and am confident on what I am doing. It gives such a great satisfaction!

Another day to be grateful! Today would have to be a car that runs! Especially the battery part! When I went to turn the van on to take Keenan to school, it woudnt start. The battery was dead!! So I had to pack up Keenan and Niko in the bike trailer with a bike that has a broken pedal! Kimberly came to my rescue and saved the day!

Today is a good day to say I'm grateful for how low key and independant Niko is. He loves to snuggle, loves "Loves", and can play by himself for a long time! He plays with figurines and pretends with them all the time! He's just super easy going, tell
Him to do something and he says "k" to everything! Love that boy!

Today I'm grateful for having a "home". Meaning home I mean the place I grew up. Its always fun coming home and seeing people and esoecially seeing the parents!

Struggles

I know everyone has struggles in thier life. We all have trials. We all have things that happen to us and sometimes we can't seem to find the light to get out. I've had a hard week. I'm not really sure what wad going on but I'm sure I was being put back in my place. Earlier in the week I was talking to a friend in my ward after Activity days and we were talking abiut kids, and famlies, and Damon and trials. I mentioned that I felt I was usually ready for trials because I feel that I am in a constany trial. Which I still feel that I am. So what I mean is that I am ready for trials when it comes to him. Well come to find out, no I am not. I think Heavenly Father was telling me that once again I am not in charge and to trust in him. I do. I trust that he knows what he's doing and what he's giving us. As I was having this hard few days, everyonr and everything was annoying me. I didn't want anything to do with my kids ir husband and was being selfish and wanted to just be me. During this time I was doing a lot of praying for patience, for love, understanding, worthfullness, feeling appreciated. I think that I needed to come back around and realize that I need to stop being selfish. That its not about me, its about making my husband and family feel special and in return they will make me feel special. I am grateful for knowing that I can turn to God when I feel that I can't talk to anyone about what I am really feeling. And in return I feel his love and he helps me through the tough days.

Some points of the week-
Keenan said that some day he will get to sleep in white clothes like us.
Keenan learning shapes and words in spanish
Niko is trying to talk more. I understand his mumble and jumble about 50% of the time.
Damon has had a double ear infection. Been using drops. 4th one since tubes and adnoids removed the end of Aug. We need to make an appt to see ENT abiut that.
Found someone in my ward with a degree in child development who wants to be his respite worker. We find out this week how many more hours we will be getting!
First week of feel great in 8 started again! So much easier this go round! Almost a perfect score!

Gratitude Journal

Here I am day 1 of another round of feel great in 8. Some things changed this go round and one being that everyday we have to write down something were gratefuk for. Whether it be a sentence or a paragraph. So for the next 8 weeks, I will have a grateful post.

As I was pondering ob things that I'm grateful for, a plethora of things come to my mind. But at this moment and at this time, I am grateful for a new year. A new day. A time to start over and renew myself. A new day to start fresh and evaluate how the previous day went and to try and be better. What not a better time to start a new challenge then now, the start of a new year, with new goals in mind. That's what's so great about this challenge. The opportunity ti work on a specific goal for 8 weeks. As I had been thinking of things to do, the thought came to me to make it a goal oeveryday to have a daily list of things to do around the house. And thanks to pinterest for making that so easy to do! So everyday there are the daidaily things that need to get done. But then everyday there is a kore detailed cleaning. I love this thought since I am a list girl. I work well with lists and I like checking things off. Maybe that's why I love this challenge so much.

Today I am grateful such great people around me. I am so amazed at the amazing people that I get to be in contact with. I have so many that I feel that I can talk to and release or vent or just talk to.

 

I love having all day to have the opportunity to think about a certain thing that Im grateful for. It really makes me so happy and GRATEFUL for what I do have. It also helps me focus on positive things. Today I was thinking how much I have grown to love fitness and healthy eating. It really does come easier the more you do it and it becomes more of a lifestyle change. I feel that's where I am at and this isn't a fad type of diet. I have come to love learning new things about healthy eating and finding new ways to make food taste so good!

I am grateful for the knowledge that Heavenly Father loves me. I have been struggling lately with finding balance and finding myself along the way. Someone told me the other day that you are constantly trying to find yourself in each stage of life with your kids. I get that but at the same time its hard to think of because of our situation with Damon. That will never change even as situations with the other boys will. Its hard to think about and its hard to know what to do next. I feel as if I live day to day, because well we really don't know what life throws at us. But through all this I still know that Heavenly father loves me and I am his daughter and that no matter what happensI know that he has my back. Just keep swimming. 

I'm grateful fot the Arts. The talent of art and the people that are gifted to share with us. Tonight we went to our friends storytelling concert in Portland. There were 6 of us that went and none of us were sure what to exexpect or what we were even going for. But it was 4 people who told two stories each. Most were true stories that involved a time in thier life. It was captivating, and creatI've and Iloved going and doing something so differnt. 

Today I'm grateful for the knowledgr and continuing knowledge of nutrional food! It is such a resfreshing part of being healthy and I love knowing that I am putting in good things for my body instead of proceseed junk. Not onky is it good for you but makes you feel 100% BETTER.

Today I'm grateful for a routine. With it being Sunday we know that we go to church. And the coming of a new week. I love that we knowwhat to expect out of Sundays and that there isnt a question as to what we need to do. I am loving 1:00 church by the way!

You know this gratitude journal is an amzing thing. Journaling in general is such an amazing thing. I can look back and see the progress even in a short amount of time. I can't help but be grateful today for an amazing Heavnely Father who never ceases to amaze me with his tender mercies and to never let me down. Not even for a second. As I wrote earlier, I had been questioning so many things as a mother. Not for one second do I not love being a mother but certain aspects about it. Today I was given such a tender mercy that I have no doubt in my mind, that Lord has placed his hand in my life again. We are never to be left alone and even more so when you have a child with special needs. I need this child in my life more then he needs us. If I would step back and realize what an awesome gift I have being able to be his mom, I would be so much better. But I am human, and I mess up. But man if I can't be humbled!

Goals or no goals

I'm not sure how I feel about making new goals for the new year but I have so much that I am looking forward to! This year is looking to be a great one already! I have things planned and am already wondering if this year will be over before we know it. My main focus is in fitness and eating healthy. If course this comes after my family. They are and always will be my main focus. With that said here we go!

Run the hippie chick half marathon mothers day weekend

Rugged maniac 5k

Warrior Dash

Increase my average mile time.

Continue to find healthy foods to eat and less sugary foods.

I would love to redo the kids bathroom

Landscape front yard- flowers, bark, plants

Write down important dates, things the kids say, and put them in a jar to write/read down at the end of the year

Sew something. More then just a small task.

Save more money and use my credit card less

I hope that I can look back and see that I accomplished these. It would be very rewarding.

New Years Eve

I think this is one of the first years we didn't go anywhere for the holidays during Christmas and New Years and I really enjoyed it! We got invited to a party with our friends with kids invitrd. I Wad torn as to what we should do because Kimberly had gotten rid of thier kids for the night and really wanted to do somethinf but I didn't want to pay for a sitter. So I didn't knknow what to do. Juan didn't want to go anywhere so he stayed home with Damon, which in reality is a lot easier to keep him home. So the othet two boys and I went and had a great time and then came home at 1030 because aftet talking to Kimberly we decided that we would go to Bannisters house while they did thiet own thing and then they would come over at 1030 and ring in the new year together. It ended up being a great idea! We hung for a little bit, watched the ball drop on TV and then played games until about 230 am. What a fun night afting goofy cause were tired, and having good company!

Sky high Jump

We went to a trampoline place in Tigard with a group of us from the ward. It was fun to get air, burn energy and enjoy our friends! 

Garage shelves

For Christmad my parents gave us money to do what we want with. So we have been needing ti do this so bad. All this stuff has just been stacked on top of each other here but niw we are so much more organized and I can see what we have! I was telling my sister what we have on them, I told her the third row was all boys clothes from birth-6. She was so suprised how many clothes wr have! And to think II've gone threw them a few times and got rid of stuff! I didn't think that I had that much! My dad said, "you already have it filled up!" We don't really have an option to do shelves on the sides beacuse we have two- single garage doors and that gives us space in the middle and front and not much room on the sides.I am loving haveing the walk room I  front if the van now! I'm so grateful to have a handy man as my husband! Sure does make things fun, and affordable to do things! I love that he was able to figure this out after seeing my brothers shelves!