Needed a Change

My life seemed like it was falling apart. Not in ways too major but in a way that I felt like I wasn't happy with it. I didn't have that great feeling everyday that people talk about. Not that there are days that are stressful and have everyday problems in them. But having a perspective on life with a positive outlook. The only positive I could see was Juan graduating, moving home, making money again, and having this baby. But I didn't feel a spiritual positive outlook. I knew something needed to change and it needed to happen soon. I couldn't continue my life the way I was. For some people it is good enough but not for me.

Two weeks ago after a weekend of stress and fights with the husband, and I was so over everything, and over being upset over the little things. I was sitting in sacrament meeting and in between the growling looks at Juan and wresting the kids and trying to keep them happy, I only heard one thing that struck me. The speaker was talking about a text message she had gotten from one of her kids. the text went:

"Are you there?"
"Yes, what do you need?"
"I'm in a place I don't want to be"
"Where are you, I will come and get you"

She likened this to speaking to Heavenly Father. Just like a text message. Ask him are you there? He will respond yes, what do you need. Then we respond I'm in a place I don't want to be. And his response will be I will come and get you.

It was exactly what I needed to hear at the right moment. I was thinking that everything was falling around me and that I was not happy. I knew something needed to change immediately. While we were down in Washington at home for my grandmas funeral, my sister was reading her BOM. She had made a goal this year to finish it in 60 days! 60 days are you serious? I thought that reading it in a year was a big goal! The thought kept coming to me that this is what I needed to start to do. Not in 60 days but I decided I would do 90 days. I can do that. So I got onto LDSlvingscriptures entered my info and got a reading chart. What an amazing experience so far! I have been able to spend some of my time alone reading and learning the stories for the first time. Yes, the first time, and yes I'm almost 26. I knew of the primary stories but I never have read it on my own. One thing my sister told me was its cool to see how it's actually a story when you are reading chapter after chapter. It true! I'm only one week into it but I have actually stuck with it. I'm anxious for the opportunity to read everyday. My days are much happier and I have a different outlook on everyday.

This past Saturday I had the opportunity to go to the new auditorium at BYU-Idaho and listen to Julie B. Beck speak to us. She mentioned how do we know if the Spirit is with us?

D&C 11:12-13

"And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good--yea, to do justly, to walk humbly to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit.

"Verily, Verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy;"

I still have had a couple days where I am frustrated and thinking I thought that everything is supposed to be hunky dory and nothing is supposed to go wrong. But the thought comes into my mind that this isn't what life is about. It's about learning and growing. We will fall short of our goals, and fall short of what is important, but we are here for that. To learn from this life. And so it is, I am trying to make a better life for my family. I want a new beginning that people feel after they are baptized and I know I can feel this when I do what's right. A sense of complete joy in my heart bringing my to tears because I feel what I'm doing is right.